A Sonoran Truth Satire, February 19, 2015.
Heil Hoeppner has made such a big issue of who owns the Sonoran Truth (pick a flavor .org, .com or .info). Since Heil Hoeppner is a NAME and BRANDING EXPERT…
We wondered if John was looking to drum up business and have Name Quest re-brand our website? Here’s our thoughts on the matter:
Cave Creek is western. Some call it cowboy country, others just say horsemen. As such, we’re thinking that our horses ought to have a say in our town affairs. So we’re thinking that the Sonoran Truth should transform itself into Horses Against Sorchych Sycophants, or Horses ASS for short. www.HorsesASS.org.
As part of Western Days, we’d start the annual Horses ASS award for the citizen that does the most to screw up the Town.
Kinda like Time’s Man of the Year.
Or an Oscar.
That’s it. Horses ASS of the Year.
Citizens can write into us (anonymously of course) to nominate people or animals, as some people in Cave Creek act more like animals than humans…and then candidates can submit to us an essay as to why they should be considered for the honor and distinction of being crowned Cave Creek’s Horses ASS of the Year.
Humbly, we’re torn between Usama, Sieg Heil Hoeppner or Donny, dog poop, Sorchych as our first choice. As such, maybe we may need to expand our criteria to include things, like dog poop as dog poop is neither animal or human. Or plants…like cactus because lots of Sorchych sycophants are pricks. Did we really say that???
OK. So that’s our idea of how to avoid all this Sonoran Truth fuss. But given the Truth is a ‘Tabloid” of the people, by the people, for the people, its best to obtain consensus from Creekers as to whether we should avoid all this animosity by re-branding ourselves with a different moniker.
Maybe Hoeppner could come up with something? But probably not, as he and Donny caused this problem by starting Sonorantruth.info. If turn around is fair play…maybe we should rename ourselves the sonorannews.biz?
Almost everybody in Cave Creek and Carefree has been waiting for Don to die, but what if Don made a pact with the Devil? Don is just going to get older and uglier and smellier BUT NEVER DIE!
Can we have a recall? Does the Devil’s Revised Statutes provide procedures for recalling Zombies? Are there attorneys who specialize in Zombie recalls? This is all S’News to us. Your responses are appreciated. Thank you.
In the meantime eat lots of garlic and please vote for Charlie Spitzer, Reg Monachino, Mike Durkin, and Vice Mayor Adam Trenk because we’re in cahoots with these guys. We think they’re GREAT.